Saturday, July 24, 2010

Life is funny...

Life is funny in so many ways. My husband and I have been hoping to have a baby for almost a year, we have dreamed up the little buddle of joy in our heads and I just wonder when it’s actually going to happen. I question whether something is wrong with me or my hubs but then I consider maybe it’s just not the right time, if it was meant to be it will be. It is so difficult for me to let go of long ago plans and dreams and just let God be in complete control. I try to let go and then I find myself dreaming of what may be only to find out that God says “IN MY TIME NOT YOURS!” I picture Him yelling this at me over and over again although I know my God is a loving and caring God… He knows me well and sometimes it has to be very loud for me to hear it, then I need to hear it about 20 more times before I say Ohhh, that’s why you said that before and finally listen. Usually that happens after I have completely exhausted myself and worried and wondered and hoped when all I should have been doing with all that extra time is focusing on what really matters! Whether we have the nicest home, coolest car, best paying jobs, expensive clothes and jewelry doesn’t matter at all. I don’t believe that means God doesn’t what his children to have all those things but I do believe it means that He wants us to focus on Him, rather than spending all our time trying to achieve things on our own. When in the end God just might be saying it’s not time yet…. It doesn’t mean He’s saying no… just not now.

Lord, I’m listening now. I know I don’t know everything and you do! I’ve tried to put you in a box and you are showing me it just doesn’t work that way. You want my all 24/7/365 not just when I have a job interview, a big test or would like a little extra money to have a pedicure BUT you want my all everyday regardless what is going on. I get caught up in this world often and find myself dreaming about what I don’t have instead of focusing on what I do. I have you Lord, a wonderful husband you have blessed me with, who I often take for granted and I’m not the Godly wife you would have me to be 100% of the time but you gave me someone who knew I’m grouch, moody and must set the alarm at least an hour before I get up, you gave me a man who would put up with me… You have given me an amazing family, knowledge, understanding, compassion and you have met all my needs thus far. For 25+ years you have made sure I had a roof over my head and shoes on my feet, to receive an education many people only dream about in a country where I’m free to be whatever you would have me to be, and you have blessed me so many times! Lord, help me to be content with what I have and not to want what I don’t need and to wait for you to meet the needs I do have and maybe most of all to be patient and wait for your timing.

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